loved.

This is just going to be a short little post, about something I've been learning...

Recently I've been discovering how to love people simply and only for the sake of loving them. Not to change them or fix them or help them or convert them... but solely for the purpose that they would be loved.
Because I believe we were made to be loved.
So in loving someone, you are allowing them to live the way they were created to be.
And that's quite beautiful.

It's the little things

Recently I've been realising how many people do something to help me or love me or encourage me in any given day... I often won't remember about it even ten minutes later, but in the moment it makes a huge difference.

So as a way to make me think about it and to honour some of these wonderful people... Here's just a few things in the last couple of days that people have done which have made a difference to me.

• Jane came and got a rice ball with me for lunch so we could hang out together at lunch
• Abby put a photo of me and her on her phone screen saver
• Emma offered to run to my house at 11 30 at night because I was upset
• Becs sent me an encouraging text really late at night that I got to wake up to in the morning
• Lauren went running with me and didn't even complain when I wanted to walk (even though she's way fitter than me)
• The guy in the elevator struck up conversation with me rather than just awkwardly standing there for 9 floors
• The girl who used the rowing machine before me left the cleaner wipe thing beside my machine so I wouldn't have to go and get it when I was done
• Sophie suggested having a picnic together on Sunday
• Becca came exploring with me and we found an awesome secret look out
• Emma stayed and helped me with my exit test even though she had already finished hers and had to go home and cook dinner
• Someone transferred my laundry from the washing machine to the dryer
• The woman taking my biblical studies tutorial made jokes about the disciples and wasn't overly serious like theology professors tend to get sometimes
• The lady serving dinner at the hall gave me extra cashew nuts
• The woman at the library information desk told me where the button on the second floor was hidden to make the automatic blinds go down because the sun was coming in and I couldn't see my screen
• Shannon saw me in the library and told me there was a group of my friends upstairs if I wanted to go and join them.
• Mackenzie knew I was trying to sleep so she told the guys to 'shut up because some people actually like the morning'
• Garret text me to ask if I was going to the same lecture as him
• Emily gave me a ride out to camp late because I had to do an exam at night
• Chloe and Mackenzie brought my bio chem lab book down to uni for me because I had forgotten it in the morning
• The woman doing my blood test didn't treat me like I was 5 years old

  

  And the big things too.

I could write a million more things....
Be encouraged though, the little things you do for people do make a difference!

That's it, give me the corn chips!!

So I'm going to write this stuff, assuming and hoping that other people also will relate to it... I haven't talked to many people about this but since we're all human we've all probably experienced something similar.

I'll be the first one to say that no one's perfect, to talk about embracing the journey and learning from mistakes.
But I'm also the first one to want to get it completely right and keep it like that first go.

I decide to learn Spanish, but as soon as I can't teach myself how to conjugate verbs I put it away and say I only wanted to learn the basics anyway. I wouldn't tell anyone I had planned to be fluent and have the same awesome accent as the guy on the tape in 6 months,

I decide that from this moment on I will be healthy and do exercise.... which is awesome for two days until someone makes cookies and it starts raining when I want to go running. Of course I don't just eat like a normal person and put a rain check on the running till the next day... I write the week off (even though it's Tuesday) and eat like there's no tomorrow for the rest of the week and tell myself I'm starting new on Monday and this time I'm serious, Im gonna do it....

I begin the lecture determined to be focused enough to win a nobel prize and write enough notes to destroy the rainforests. Then 10 mins in I realise I was thinking about my lunch (because it's after Tuesday and I have an entire bag of corn chips waiting for me) and missed an important point.
So instead of making a note to podcast those few minutes later, I consider the whole lecture done for and begin to plan out my future kids outfits on my note paper.

I realise a friendship has been neglected I decide to make things right, starting in the morning... I am determined to be honest with them, to be intentional... But our first conversation of the day goes slightly awkwardly and inside I begin running as fast as I can in the opposite direction, because it didn't go as planned.

I decide that I want to be in a deeper place in prayer, to know my bible better... So I'm going to get up ridiculously early every day for the rest of my whole life. Which is awesome Monday and sometimes even Tuesday, but then I get sleepy. I can't change it to a different time in the day, because I started doing it at stupid o clock, and I don't compromise. So I stop and sleep for a few days then make the same decision next sunday night.... for the rest of my life I will get up at 3 am and pray for 6 hours then get up and be an excellent student, focused all day (okay, well maybe not quite that bad...)

Anyway, my point is that I start off with the intention of being perfect, even though I would never say this, and when I mess it up, I write off the whole idea and begin fresh at a later date.
Here's a few things I know are true about this, even though I have trouble living it  out...

1 - This is a vicious cycle. I will never achieve what I plan on doing, and the second part of every week, or day, or lecture, or conversation gets missed....

2- God doesn't ever expect me to even attempt these standards and it pains Him watching His daughter be so hard on herself and miss out on so many good things (He also probably has a back up supply of corn chips going to New World because He knows me and loves me anyway)

3- There are so many things to learn in my mistakes that I'm choosing not to learn because I throw away the paper that I coloured outside the lines on before I actually get a good look at it.

This is a working progress, thankfully one through which God has persisted because I would've given up and started again long ago... and slowly He is teaching me to truly live in all the messiness and chaos and crumbs that happen along the way.

If you at all relate to this.... Thank you, I'm not alone!
And you need to know that you can keep walking, you don't need to jump back to the start every time you trip up. Get back up, dust yourself off, look at how far you've come and keep on going...
You are loved.

Unexpected Challenge

I'm setting myself a challenge. And blogging about it so that you can take it up as well if you want to...

If you have a job that is relatively constant each day, or have class at the same times each day studying the same subjects... if you eat the same thing for breakfast everyday or always walk to school taking the same route... This is for you.

The Challenge:

Do something every day this week that is different from what you would normally do.

That's it.

These could be bigger things.... Like, playing a sport with a social team one night, taking a random road trip one evening, surprising someone with some groceries, going swimming at the beach (this one is for those of you in NZ for who this is not such an attractive idea at the moment), Make a phone call to a family member you haven't talked to in years, throw out your scales, do some baking and give it to the neighbour you never actually got around to meeting...

Or they could be just little things.... Like, Buying a different type of shampoo than usual, taking the slightly more scenic route to work, putting FULL CREAM milk in your coffee, stay up past midnight for once, take a bath, talk to someone at school that you haven't talked to before, wear a dress if you wouldn't normally, jump on the trampoline with your kid, paint something (everyone can paint, you just need to remember back a few years...) buy the homeless guy a subway, write a journal entry....

I'm also going to do it, and will make a post about what happens, hopefully, if I remember.
If anyone else decides to do it, would love to get a message from you at the end of the week telling me what you got up to!

To finish, enjoy these images... I reckon they sum up unexpected quite well..

An ageing world

This year I'm incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to listen to several lecturers everyday who are at the leading edge of their fields, who are in the midst of researching new cures or studying global disease patterns. People who travel internationally to teach and research and learn...
Sometimes though, what they teach brings up a lot of questions and issues... today being one of those days, so I thought I would write a little bit and would love to hear what you think about these same issues!

The lecture was about global ageing and disease trends.
The general theme is that the life expectancy of the world is rising... as health care becomes more refined and easily accessible, we no longer need to hunt and kill our food (although sometimes I rock up to the supermarket with my bow and arrow to the meat aisle just to feel accomplished when I eat it)
 In your so called 'developed' countries, people are having less children and living longer. In the so called 'developing countries', people are still having lots of kids and are still living longer.... Resulting in an overall growing, ageing global population.

She showed us this magazine cover and mentioned "Global ageing is one of medicines success stories"
In some aspects, global ageing is good.... the elderly people of our communities are such wonderful assets and can contribute a wealth of wisdom and insight for their upcoming generations.
However there are two really big issues that I can see with this...
Firstly, the earth as it is simply cannot sustain a growing population.
 I do like Ghandi's quote, "There is enough for everyone's need but not enough for everyones greed" However, realistically, people are going to keep being greedy and people will still be needy.
 I believe there is a time coming when this will no longer be true, but in terms of growing population problems, what is reality now has to be what we work with. 
There isn't enough food for everyone to live to 120 years, there aren't enough places to live, especially in a society that values space and individualism.

Secondly, global health isn't improving with age.
Along with our developed country anti ageing fight, we're also battling heart disease, obesity, depression, suicide, premature arthritis, rising cancer rates... because of our developed country lifestyle choices.
People are living longer but they are getting sicker.

 Are the ways we're compromising the next generations to add on an extra 15 years to our own, worth it?

What are we going to do with all these people?

I would love to hear what people think about it all...

Listen well.

Recently I've been thinking about what it means to be a good listener....I don't think we really realise what an uncommon and wonderful gift this is until we meet someone who truly is a good listener. I am incredibly lucky to have a number of good listeners in my life so I've put together a little collection of  the things that good listeners do. Some of them are simple and we all know them, but so effective because barely anyone actually does it...

Good listeners don't look at other things or other people while you're talking to them...That text CAN wait, the people walking past your seat are not needing your attention nearly as much as the one sitting opposite you. And make it clear that this is what you're doing, shut the screen slightly or walk with them somewhere quieter, telling them you don't want to be interrupted while they're talking. This makes a world of difference as they realise you do really want to hear.

Good listeners don't follow up everything someone says with a personal story of their own. This is a strange concept for most people, me included, but it is actually possible to get through a whole conversation without talking about yourself!   Of course, sometimes its necessary and helpful to tell stories or just to generally talk about yourself to set someone at ease.... but not ALL the time.

Good listeners ask questions. When someone asks you questions about what you're saying, when they ask you to tell them more... you feel valued. you feel like they want to know. you feel like you're important.
When you ask questions, you begin to really know someone, and that in itself is a gift.

Good listeners don't interrupt. Ever.
This is the most basic conversation skill which we are all taught as kids, yet the majority of us don't seem to learn it so well....
When you interrupt its easy to not even notice because in that moment what you have to say seems like the most important thing in the universe that must be said this very second.
But when you are the one being interrupted, in that same second, you lose all confidence in what you are saying. For some people, this isn't a huge deal and they quickly move on, but for someone who finds it hard to express themselves for whom vulnerability is a big deal.... being interrupted can make it even more difficult for them every time.

Good listeners practice not thinking about a response while someone is still speaking. It's okay to have pauses in a conversation. (men are so much better at this than women!)
Fight the temptation to have a perfectly formed reply the second they finish speaking.... because as soon as you switch from their words to what your words will be, they have lost some of your attention, you're no longer fully there.

Good listeners realise that everyone has a different reality. What is true and important for me right now is not the same as the person across the table from me.
Judgement stems from assuming and expecting that everyone has the same reality as me and should therefore think about, experience and respond to things the same way as I do. Compassion stems from realising everyone is experiencing a very different reality and choosing to walk with someone else through their reality instead of your own.

This is really what listening is... Intentionally steeping into someone else's' reality for a while, to experience the world from there, so that you might understand them.

Sabbath

Today is Saturday.
Tomorrow is Sabbath.
The next day is my exam.

God has brought me full circle since this exact same situation at the end of year 13, but this time it matters more and this time I trust Him more.

Sabbath is something that has been a big part of my year so far, not because its a rule or part of what religion does, but because I want to honour the God who holds all my time, the One who created rest and play.  To spend the day with Him and in creation and with people I love.
I will admit though, its been a battle for tomorrow.
But just this morning, I heard Him say to me, "Aliesha, if I'm big enough to provide for you every other day of the year, why wont you trust me to provide for you the day before your exam. I know it's an important one."
Boom.

How can I argue with that?
For those of you who are in the middle of exams... I know what its like. Trust Him. He loves you.